Do you think people have good intentions when they share advice or try to change your mind on an issue? Why or why not?
~ “Yes; even if its bad advice, I generally believe people are telling me what they would do in my shoes”
Do you think you are more or less trusting of others than you were roughly five years ago? Why do you think that is?
~ “Less, because I’ve learned that even experienced and wise people can be wrong on many things.”
Who or what can you rely on, without fail?
~ “Probably only myself. “Without fail” is a bit extreme, no? People have different values and I neither expect nor want my loved ones to value me over themselves.”
Trust Week
When I show people Conversely and they get a chance to look through the deck and see the conversations I try to pay attention to which cards catch people’s eye, ear, and attention. Trust is one of those. I think it can be easy to forget about, but it is so important in so many different contexts big and small. Trusting that your teachers are knowledgeable and accurate in their instruction, that children will do their chores or homework when asked, and that our partners will uphold their commitments. I think the voices this week really gave a piece of themselves along with some comforting, and some unsettling, viewpoints. What we want and hope for when we put trust in another is really made clear in this first question: love, calm, comfort, security. Yet, many of us have experienced such stark moments of betrayal, and our ability to trust others can feel damaged or outright broken. However, it can be rebuilt, as we also hear below. So without further ado, please enjoy this week’s post.
What emotions do you relate to trust, based on your understanding or experience?
~ “Sadness, happiness, love”
~ “a sense of safety and being at ease, comfortable to be yourself, positivity”
~ “Conformity, calm, security”
~ “Calmness, confidence”
~ “love and comfort “
~ “Calmness”
~ “Love, calm, comfort”
~ “Love, fondness, comfort”
~ “Calmness, joy, contentment”
~ “Tranquility “
~ “Understanding, empathy, respect”
~ “Love, but also anger and sadness”
~ “Safety, mutual understanding, and belief that another party will do what they said.”
~ “happiness, love, relief”
~ “Comfort, vulnerable “
Do you think people have good intentions when they share advice or try to change your mind on an issue? Why or why not?
~ “It depends on the person. Some people are manipulative and will deceive you while others are trying to help.”
~ “Sometimes yes, sometimes no, depending on who, what, when, where, how, and why.”
~ “No, most of the time I feel like they’re just being sympathetic because it’s morally right for them, though awkward. Trying to change someone else’s mind on an issue is a sign of domination or superiority, not a good intention.”
~ “Some intend to help, others mainly want to express themselves, without regard as to how bad advice might do harm.”
~ “I think most people have good intentions but that doesn’t necessarily mean they have good advice. I’m a bit too stubborn for my own good sometimes, honestly. “
~ “Not always. Their motives are usually self-serving.”
~ “Yes; even if its bad advice, I generally believe people are telling me what they would do in my shoes”
~ “We can all grow from listening to advice and arguments, as long as what one is trying to change your mind on is not morally wrong, then people do have good intentions.”
~ “I believe most people have good intentions when trying to sway me in their direction of thinking. To me, people share advice and arguments when they believe their opinions are valid and will make a positive difference in the lives of others.”
~ “Generally, yes. Though it depends on the person and situation.”
~ “Sometimes; sometimes people share advice with good intentions, like if they’ve gone through something similar and it was a costly lesson to learn, maybe they offer the advice to help you avoid a tough knock so-to-speak. Other times though people offer advice in a way to demonstrate their superiority to another or to be patronizing whether intentional or not.”
~ “Yes and No. It depends on the context as to whether the subject would create harm or discomfort upon me.”
~ “Most people have good intentions. That doesn’t make their advice any more useful.”
~ “usually they do, but some people are just self-centered and need to prove they’re right (they don’t have good intentions)”
~ “It very much depends on the person. “
Is there anyone in your life who you would like to be able to trust more than you currently do, but can’t? Who and why?
~ “I cannot trust anybody in my life and I don’t think I ever will. “
~ “Sure, everyone, but just being human prevents that in both directions”
~ “My best friend, while I trust her more than anyone else, I’m still skeptic about her and secretive.”
~ “There’s no one in my life like that”
~ “Not really. I know the people I trust well enough to understand what sorts of issues I can trust them with. As for newer relationships, I’m not in a hurry.”
~ “I hardly trust anyone. I plan to keep it that way because I’ve been hurt immeasurably.”
~ “Yes, my sister; she flies off the handle a couple times a year and I don’t trust that she keeps my secrets when she considers me an enemy”
~ “My parents, I don’t want to stress them out if I confide in them about some problems, chances are they’d be devastated if they found out, I wish I could trust them with what’s happening to me right now.”
~ “Yes, my boyfriend. I have trouble letting go of past hurt and I’m finding it one of the biggest challenges of my life to try and move on from certain things he did near the beginning of our relationship. I love him but the trust is not 100% there and the thought that it might never be there terrifies me.”
~ “My best friend. We’ve known each other for over a decade but he still doesn’t know some things.”
~ “My sister; she has that superiority complex. Because shes older than me, she thinks she knows everything. She’s also kind of manipulative so i can’t entirely trust her with all things.”
~ “My best friend, he ignores me 90% of the time I try to talk to him nowadays, and he always needs me to be there for him but never vice versa. He acts so selfishly, and typing this out, I am starting to wonder why I even consider him my friend at all.”
~ “Yes, boy I’m dating. He’s currently earning trust back after being a jerk”
~ “some of my coworkers who can’t get things done in time; some friends who often flake on plans”
~ “Yes, coworkers.”
Do you think you are more or less trusting of others than you were roughly five years ago? Why do you think that is?
~ “The same level. Nothing has changed, people are in this for themselves.”
~ “Less trusting, due to aging and life experience”
~ “I noticed I am less trusting, because people have betrayed my confidence and trust in them multiple times before, and because for me it’s the most logical stance.”
~ “Less, because I’ve learned that even experienced and wise people can be wrong on many things.”
~ “Less, for sure. I was a young and naive teenager five years ago.”
~ “Less, much much less. I’ve been betrayed by so many people I trusted in the last 5 years.”
~ “Less. I got out of a decade-long abusive relationship 2 years ago and really opened my eyes to red flags”
~ “Hard to say, I’ve only ever trusted a select few friends and family members with serious things, but perhaps now I’m more open to branching out, so now I might be more trusting due to trying to broaden my horizons connections wise.”
~ “Much less. I’ve had several professional and personal experiences that have made it difficult for me to trust anyone, including myself. It’s a very difficult place to be and I am slowly, but surely learning not to suspect everyone I meet of ulterior motives.”
~ “Less. The internet has a way of making you jaded.”
~ “More and less. More in some ways, less in others. I think all people are good and if I needed to leave my laptop out in a public area, I’d have no problem just leaving it there. I might be less trusting of other people’s intentions though when they first approach me.”
~ “Much much less, people have torn me down emotionally that I rarely let people in nowadays. I always have my guard up now.”
~ “Less trusting. Experience.”
~ “more trusting because I have more trustworthy people in my life and I’ve realized that my family isn’t always trustworthy”
~ “Less trusting because I have seen some very negative sides of some people. “
Who or what can you rely on, without fail?
~ “Nobody, not even myself.”
~ “Death and taxes, period.”
~ “No one, unless I can count myself. But, as said before, I trust my best friend more than anyone else.”
~ “Myself”
~ “Probably only myself. “Without fail” is a bit extreme, no? People have different values and I neither expect nor want my loved ones to value me over themselves.”
~ “Only myself.”
~ “Depends on what I’m relying on them for. I can’t rely on everyone for everything I need.”
~ “My best friend”
~ “My family and my own heart.”
~ “Myself”
~ “I was gonna say myself, but that’s a joke. I don’t think there’s anyone who you can 100% rely on, people are human ans we all make mistakes, ya know.”
~ “My family, always”
~ “A handful of close family & friends. “
~ “no one, nothing… but I accept the margin of error and I trust some friends and my partner and myself 95% of the time”
~ “Close friends and parents. “
How are you feeling, right now?
~ “Apathetic”
~ “Fine”
~ “Calm, numb”
~ “Good”
~ “I was a bit bored, hence my decision to participate in this survey, but I found this pretty interesting!”
~ “Happy I can trust myself.”
~ “Tired and a little depressed, lost”
~ “Stressed, uncertain, scared, excited”
~ “Depressed and uncertain about my future.”
~ “Okay I guess”
~ “Pretty okay”
~ “Sad”
~ “Kind of vulnerable “
~ “good!”
~ “Relaxed.”
Describe yourself, however you want, in two sentences.
~ “A complete and total cynic with no motivation. Hopeless.”
~ “I’m just an average person. I love my dog.”
~ “It’s pretty hard to accurately describe oneself. I’m very pessimist and skeptic, in any sense. I’m pretty self-centered and I don’t tend to feel bothered by what other people feels. I love attention and admiration, though I don’t actively seek it. I can’t tolerate authority and religions (and similar beliefs, like superstitions or astrology).”
~ “I’m a 29 year old student.”
~ “I’m the kind of person who fills out random surveys from reddit at 4 AM. I’m the kind of person who has trouble coming up with two sentences.”
~ “I’m a happy single mum of 4 who will never trust again. I’m satisfied with that, but I hope my children won’t be betrayed like I was.”
~ “Textbook Aries/Virgo being. Simultaneously neurotic, careful, low-key, practical; and an absurd explosion of color and emotion”
~ “IDGAF about what people think of me, I’m reliable, respectful, quiet and loyal but I’m still flawed. I’m not great with sensitive people, I can be insensitive sometimes but that’s who I am.”
~ “I am a sensitive person and I care too much. People have taken advantage of me because of it, but I refuse to lose what makes me wonderful – my loving, giving heart.”
~ “I’d rather play a supporting role in making someone elses dreams come true. My biggest aspiration is to be a father who is really loved by his kids, not just respected.”
~ “I’m a 23 year old recent college graduate whi has no idea what she’s doing with her life. I’m taking the summer to work on me and learn a bit about myself before I join the real world.”
~ “I feel like my friends don’t really care about me nowadays. The only people who I trust and love is my family.”
~ “24 Yo, cis, white, female. College educated and highly mistrusting in general.”
~ “woman in my late 20s, working professional, independent and self-sufficient, distant from most of my family”
~ “I have invested too much of my life into work that I have become the only single girl amongst friends. I try to stay optimistic and active but I’m really lonely a lot of the time.”
Final Thoughts
I’m really struck by the vulnerability that people are willing to share and display in these posts sometimes. The power of anonymity surely coming into play, but still I appreciate it endlessly. Some people were cheated on and others feel lost, but sharing in that pain is a different kind of trust. An assurance, an accept of one another and our own mortality and limited abilities. But we are also reminded of how wonderful it can be to trust someone authentically – warm feelings and peaceful family and friends. For me, the takeaway from weeks like this is perhaps less uplifting, but more revealing. That trust is such a vital part of the human experience. It is a key component in allowing us to feel connected to each other, both as friends and family members but as people and humans. Many are calling the world we are moving into the sharing economy, and it is really going to be built – or brought to ruin – on the foundations of trust on multiple levels.
Conversation Sparks
Right away my mind jumps to the question of how do we build and maintain trust? Can there be a point where trust is never unrecoverable, and if so what does that mean about trust and about us? Finally, where do we learn these things? How do we come to our conclusions for acceptable conduct, where we draw lines, and can these ideas be easily changed?
This post did not come out with the original posting of the daily conversations on Instagram, largely due to revamping being done and a lot of exciting behind-the-scenes developments. While coverage of Conversely has been sparse so far, things should start picking up in about a month as a lot of exciting plans come together. But, everything is back on track and a weekly Voices of the Day will resume from here onward. If you can’t wait for more wisdom then you are in luck, there are a dozen prior posts to check out. Can you trust your dreams? What about your own curiosity? These voices may or may not have the answer. I hope you have enjoyed today’s post, and I appreciate you trusting me with your attention for this long.